Birdy is now on Facebook

Check him out right here.

By the way, I had been telling him to do this for years but he would just respond “No.” Either that or he would throw an ax at me.

Things That Suck: The Food Issue

Forgive me for doing a Dustinland that’s basically one big “don’t you hate it when _” but sometimes you wake up on a Sunday morning and just don’t feel like getting metaphysical or riled up about serious issues. Sometimes you just want to say, hey, this sucks. You feel me? Not literally of course. You can’t physically feel me. I mean, you can, but not right now while you’re reading this, unless we’re right next to each other, which would be creepy. Actually, maybe I’ll force people to read this while I am standing next to them and I’ll just stare at them while they read it. And not just any stare – a totally blank, emotionless one with just a splash of nefarious intent. By the way I have a fever right now so I am probably just raving.

What If: The American Revolution Took Place Today

You may be saying, hey, why is there a colon in the title of this week’s Dustinland? Well, Marvel Comics used to have these What If issues, like, What If: Peter Parker Was Bitten By a Radioactive Horse Instead of a Spider? So yeah, there’s that.

As for the idea, well, I think we’re all a bunch of lazy fuckers. Sure, we may be educated. Sure, we know what’s going on — some of us at least. And we have opinions. Oh yeah we all have big opinions on what’s wrong these days. I mean, the outrage is just over-flowing. Things have got to change now!!! Oh, wait, I have to do something? Hmmm.. well I went to that protest back in 2002, doesn’t that count? And I voted. So, like, now I kinda just wanna live my life. I’m busy. I work all day, I go home and have to make dinner and clean things and relax. Is there really time for politics? Sure, I could watch other people engage in politics on TV, but I just really don’t have the energy to go out into the world and make a difference personally. But hell, you send me a link and I will fucking sign the shit out of that email petition! Man, I might even donate $10 to some cause or somethin.

Now that I got that out of my system, I can seriously say that I’m talking about myself here as much as I’m talking about others. I just got this email from Michael Moore’s list, and there are all these suggestions for how to get involved and man, I just really don’t feel like going down to the local Democratic Party office and taking over a meeting. But I know I should. I should do something. I want to. I just don’t know what. Or when. Man, it’s so hard to care about the world and not feel like a hypocrite sometimes if you’re not out there in the Peace Core or volunteering for Dennis Kucinich.

Grunge: Where Are They Now?

This week’s Dustinland is about the “grunge” (as if there was such a thing) scene, and growing up, that was pretty much what I was all about. It’s interesting to see what these dudes are up to today. Back then they were angry young guys. Now they’re rich dads — the successful ones at least.

You know, I didn’t really expect any of them to be going strong after all this time. Very few musicians can stay at the top of their game for even a few years, not to mention ten years or even 20. It’s just interesting to see who made it out looking good and who looks kinda desperate and sad. Like I said in the comic, who would have thought a drummer would have been the guy to come out the big winner. After Dave Grohl, I’d say Pearl Jam is No. 2. They seem to have a good thing going. And then I’d say Perry is No. 3 since Lollapalooza is doing so well (although Perry isn’t really part of this group – dude was born in 1959! Who knew?).

But yeah, the days of melodic hard rock/metal are over, and that’s sad. If I see one more band made up of cutesy girls and skinny guys, all dressed like hipsters in skinny jeans and “adorable” outfits, singing their wimpy little pop songs and banging away on their synths, I’m gonna fucking puke. These days I feel like it’s either that or death metal. Nothing in between. Even Tool has a synth now. Even Mastodon does! Man, you just can’t win.

**Note – this strip is doing nicely on Reddit today. Thanks as always Redditors!

Keep it Real

If you didn’t scroll all the way down, past the comic, you didn’t get the joke in this week’s Dustinland. And if this is the case, I’ll give you a second to go back and check it out without spoiling it.

Okay, so now that you’ve seen the entire comic, I can tell you that all of that stuff is real, except for the very last row at the bottom, which clearly I made up. Pretty amazing, huh?

Anyway, I sure do hope I get a lot of Wykops for this post, or maybe even a few Yardbarks.

Small Dog, Big Headache

First of all, regarding this week’s Dustinland, why do people get these small dogs? Except for maybe pugs, boston terriers and daschunds, my rule is generally that a dog should not be smaller than a cat. Otherwise, is it really a dog? Okay, once I knew a really fat chihuahua named Pepe, and he was pretty cute. But usually these little barky dogs suck. And barky they are. Almost all of them. Total Napoleon complex.

Second, why do people let their dogs out into the backyard at night if they’re going to bark? Why? What could these people possibly be thinking? I would love to know. How could you justify that? I’d be fascinated to hear the answer. Too bad it’s probably: “I’m crazy as shit.”

How to Know if Your Child is a Democrat or Republican

There is one way you can disagree with this week’s Dustinland that I would be okay with. You could say, “Hey, it’s not just that the Democrats are mostly weak, ineffective losers — they’re actually just corrupt, career-minded pawns of the same big business interests that the other side works for.” That is an excellent point, a very real possibility, and even more depressing and cynical than what I was going for. I just went with the simple message of: Democrats are pussies. And that’s pretty much a fact at this point, except for a few dudes like Kucinich and apparently some guy named Grayson. So yeah, good luck getting anything done. I look forward to the big climate summit in December. I’m sure we won’t commit to a damn thing, as usual. Then us liberals can really start thinking about what party to vote for next time around.

The Beatles Rock Band: A turning point for video games

I recently played The Beatles Rock Band and it was pretty awesome. And the new remastered albums are incredible. And the Beatles are everywhere right now. Including my iPod (I’ve been listening to all those B-sides that sound absolutely amazing now). And then I figured that it would be funny if this resurgence of Beatlemania spread further into the world of video games, and that is where this week’s Dustinland came from.

It’s funny when something gets as popular as The Beatles. On one hand you have people who love them just because they’re popular, while on the other, you have people clambering to call them overrated just so they can be different. But I think anyone that really listens to them, anyone who knows them beyond hits like “Help” and “Drive My Car” easily recognizes their genius. And then of course if you actually care about the historical aspects of what their innovations did for the music industry, just in terms of the recording process, obviously you’re just blown away when you read about what they accomplished.

But back to this week’s comic. You have to know both the Beatles and the world of video games to get everything. But let me quickly go through it to explain for those of you who don’t get all the jokes:

Panel 1 – Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison = players for the Indianapolis Colts.

Panel 2 – The game is Halo, where you shoot people and aliens and shit. The blue guy is one of the bad guys from the cartoon “The Yellow Submarine.”

Panel 3 – Call of Duty is a historical shoot em up game.

Panel 4 – Lord of the Rings. Ringo Starr. He’s fighting a walrus monster called a “walrog” instead of the monster from Lord of the Rings called a “balrog.” In the background is an octopus ala the song “Octopus’ Garden,” written by Ringo.

Panel 5 – Street Fighter is a fighting game. “Paperback Writer” is a Beatles song. “Rocky Raccoon” is a Beatles song, and here he is replacing the character Blanka from Street Fighter. Yoko Ono is replacing the character Chun-Li from the game. In the game Chun-Li makes annoying yelping sounds, much like the ones Yoko Ono makes on albums. Yoko Ono is also often accused of breaking up the Beatles. The term C-C-C-Combo Breaker is a video game term that originated in the fighting game Killer Instinct, which is from the same era as Street Fighter. Here it has been changed to B-B-B-Band Breaker.

Panel 6 – Gran Turismo is a racing game. The yellow thing racing the cars is the Yellow Submarine.

And there you have it. The Cliffs Notes for this week’s Dustinland.

Real Cute

For this week’s Dustinland, I skimmed through my notebook of comic ideas and stopped when I got to a note that said: “Babies are cute except when they poop.” And that about sums up the behind the scenes for this week’s gem.

Liquor, Beer, and Wives

Listening to women talk about how drunk their men get is really fun and that’s the subject of this Dustinland. It’s so cliche, you feel like you’re watching an episode of Married With Children. But still, there’s just something infinitely entertaining about the mix of amusement and disappointment in a girl’s voice when she describes her husband’s drunken antics. It stops being funny and gets just depressing when we’re talking about people with real problems here, but I’m just talking about regular dudes who get drunk with their friends, then come home and pass out.