Going to the doctor can be really embarrassing when it makes you realize how out of shape you are. Like I said in this new Dustinland comic, it turns out that I literally hurt myself by sleeping. Not running, not playing basketball, not skateboarding. Sleeping. This is the kind of thing that happens as you get older. It’s like the Louis CK bit where he asks the doctor what he can do about his knee and the doctor says, “Eh, nothing. Your knee is just shitty.” I mean I can do something about my stupid back problem, and I am, and it involves pillows and a giant rubberband, but you get the point.
Well, on the bright side, any time I get sick or hurt in any way, it does inspire me to work out more and eat healthier, so at least there’s that.
If you read this week’s Dustinland comic about working out, lifting, exercising and what not, you might think I’m jealous of dudes who are really ripped. And in some ways I am. Frankly, I’m torn on the whole thing.
Now, I definitely think it’s a bit weird when dudes get completely jacked and enormous and spend half their time drinking protein shakes and popping weird pill packs. But I wouldn’t mind being just a regular type of muscley dude. There was a brief time when I was working out quite frequently and I started to actually grow pectoral muscles and I was really enjoying that. And really, the best part of working out is the way you feel afterwards. Happier. More energized. It’s good stuff.
On the other hand, who has the time? Man, I’m a dad. I barely have time to draw this comic once a week. Now I’m supposed to work out every other day? The only parents I know who seem to pull this off have to wake up at 5:00 am and work out before work. I just don’t think I could do that. Maybe if I lived in the woods and could go for a run through nature I’d be more inspired. City work outs just aren’t the same.
It’s also that people are so obsessed with their bodies once they get all buff. I mean, it’s nice and all but really, who cares? What could be less original of an achievement than getting in shape? Maybe if you’re obese and you turn all skinny and toned, okay, sure, you have the right to be proud of yourself. But everyone else, big deal. Yes, lift heavy things and run around and don’t eat cupcakes all day and MAGIC you are in shape. I realize it takes motivation and self control but ultimately, who cares.
In the end, I do want to start working out again, simply because it can’t be good to never exercise for the rest of my life. Meh. That’s the sound of getting older right there. Meh.
Like I said in this week’s Dustinland comic, I used to eat fast food all the time, but then I stopped because I realized it’s not good to eat chemically treated monkey meat. And oddly enough, on those rare moments when I give it little tastte just for kicks, it just doesn’t taste good anymore either. That’s the real surprise to me. I thought I would still enjoy it, but instead of a dirty little treat, it just tastes like dirty little meat (except for Popeye’s, which is greasier than an oil slick but still delicious).
In theory I miss it though. Here’s a little run down of where I used to stand:
McDOnald’s had the best fries. I think I’d give it to Burger King for the burgers. Wendy’s had a sweet dollar meal—chicken nuggers, caesar salad (with bacon bits), fries, slushy. Taco Bell and White Castle were nasty. Roy Rogers and KFC were pretty good but like I said, Popeye’s rules for fried chicken. I once ate at some place called Krystal Burger in New Orleans and it was probably my fast food low point—I have never taken a foodie photo of a dish that looked amazing, but here I did take a photo of food solely because of how disgusting it looked. I went to Arby’s once or twice and it was okay. Boston Market had some good sides. Sandwich places like Subway don’t count, although oddly enough I feel bad that Blimpie seems to have lost the battle. I definitely missed out on all the Cali chains, although I did have In-N-Out Burger twice and both times it was solid.
Moving a little away from “true” fast food, Denny’s was perfect for drunken piles of late night breakfast food. IHOP was fun for giant fluffy family breakfast pancakes and a nice choice of syrup flavors. Friendly’s had good ice cream. I guess if I’m going down this route, I might as well say that Pizzaria Uno’s was some cheesy, oily goodness. T.G.I .Friday’s always kind of sucked but I liked their appetizers. Outback Steakhouse has got to be the most expensive chain I’ve ever been to—I’ll admit, the Bloomin Onion was enjoyable. Cheesecake Factory should be banned for serving portions a horse couldn’t finish.
Oh yeah, I forgot all the pizza chains. I was a Domino’s fan—it wasn’t really pizza, but it was good. Papa John’s was gross. Pizza Hut was pretty crappy, although those mini pizzas were good drunk food. I never had Little Casears but I always liked their ads. Sbarro was the worst—like eating a napkin with cheese and sauce on it.
Man, once you start listing these things you realize just how many chains their are in the U.S. It’s pretty ridiculous—I’m sure I didn’t even crack the surface. But let me just close by saying this: If you are a tourist visiting New York City, do not eat at chain restaurants. This is your chance to not do that, so resist the call of Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. if you can.
In terms of this comic about the paleo diet, you know, I mean, it could be a good thing. It could be right, it could be healthier, it could make a lot of sense. But man, as a person who has lived life and taken much joy out of eating many things, I have to draw the line somewhere. I go along with the whole Michael Pollan thing—eat food, not “food-like objects” aka processed concoctions made of chemicals in a factory. I realize eating carbs all the time may not be great for you. And I think we should all eat less meat, if only for the sake of the planet ala global warming via methane from livestock as well as deforestation. I get all that. But to only eat meat, nuts, veggies and fruits, forever? That is the strictest, least fun diet ever.
Hey, drinking isn’t good for you (well, maybe a glass of wine or so a day) and I do that from time to time. Why? Because I’m alive and it’s fun. And that’s why I eat tacos and pancakes too.
“Offal is a culinary term used to refer to the entrails and internal organs of a butchered animal.”
So that’s where the title for this week’s Dustinland comes from. Sure, I wasn’t talking about animal bowels but rather human bowels, but still, you get the point. I was working on a pun. The Daily Show would have gotten away with it for sure.
In terms of the content of my comic, the girl in question is actually quite nice and I hope she never reads this. However, it is a bit inappropriate to talk about burritos and pooping at a loud volume in an open office environment full of many, many people, especially when you don’t even know the person you’re talking to. But I actually do enjoy it a bit, in a weird way. It’s just so funny and bizarre and unreal. And I like watching the dude next to me try to stifle his laughs.
Man, you just can’t beat real life for weird stuff.
Posted in work
Tagged food, health, office, work
I drew this week’s Dustinland on a Sunday, as I do pretty much every week. This particular Sunday though, I was feeling extremely uninspired and lazy, after helping my parents buy a new air conditioner, trying to install it, returning it, buying another air conditioner, and then bringing that one back to their place and installing that one. Now, Sundays can be lazy days already, but after four hours of air conditioner drama, you reallllllly don’t feel like doing anything, not to mention going to the gym. Going to the gym is pretty much the opposite of how I felt. And you know, I think that getting the inspiration to actually motivate and go to the gym is the hardest part of working out, because once you’re there, you get into it, and it’s usually pretty easy, and possibly even fun or at least fulfilling. But for some reason, it seems that whenever you have to go to the gym, that’s when you feel at your very laziest.