Like I said in this week’s Dustinland comic, I used to eat fast food all the time, but then I stopped because I realized it’s not good to eat chemically treated monkey meat. And oddly enough, on those rare moments when I give it little tastte just for kicks, it just doesn’t taste good anymore either. That’s the real surprise to me. I thought I would still enjoy it, but instead of a dirty little treat, it just tastes like dirty little meat (except for Popeye’s, which is greasier than an oil slick but still delicious).
In theory I miss it though. Here’s a little run down of where I used to stand:
McDOnald’s had the best fries. I think I’d give it to Burger King for the burgers. Wendy’s had a sweet dollar meal—chicken nuggers, caesar salad (with bacon bits), fries, slushy. Taco Bell and White Castle were nasty. Roy Rogers and KFC were pretty good but like I said, Popeye’s rules for fried chicken. I once ate at some place called Krystal Burger in New Orleans and it was probably my fast food low point—I have never taken a foodie photo of a dish that looked amazing, but here I did take a photo of food solely because of how disgusting it looked. I went to Arby’s once or twice and it was okay. Boston Market had some good sides. Sandwich places like Subway don’t count, although oddly enough I feel bad that Blimpie seems to have lost the battle. I definitely missed out on all the Cali chains, although I did have In-N-Out Burger twice and both times it was solid.
Moving a little away from “true” fast food, Denny’s was perfect for drunken piles of late night breakfast food. IHOP was fun for giant fluffy family breakfast pancakes and a nice choice of syrup flavors. Friendly’s had good ice cream. I guess if I’m going down this route, I might as well say that Pizzaria Uno’s was some cheesy, oily goodness. T.G.I .Friday’s always kind of sucked but I liked their appetizers. Outback Steakhouse has got to be the most expensive chain I’ve ever been to—I’ll admit, the Bloomin Onion was enjoyable. Cheesecake Factory should be banned for serving portions a horse couldn’t finish.
Oh yeah, I forgot all the pizza chains. I was a Domino’s fan—it wasn’t really pizza, but it was good. Papa John’s was gross. Pizza Hut was pretty crappy, although those mini pizzas were good drunk food. I never had Little Casears but I always liked their ads. Sbarro was the worst—like eating a napkin with cheese and sauce on it.
Man, once you start listing these things you realize just how many chains their are in the U.S. It’s pretty ridiculous—I’m sure I didn’t even crack the surface. But let me just close by saying this: If you are a tourist visiting New York City, do not eat at chain restaurants. This is your chance to not do that, so resist the call of Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. if you can.
Yes, this week’s Dustinland is based on a true story. No, I will not say where it took place—and here’s why. For one, it wasn’t their fault. The tooth was already damaged long ago, in a sense, waiting for something like this to come along and usher it to a toothy grave. And what better a way to lose a tooth than via delicious beef jerky? Certainly beats losing it on a lunchtime crouton. And two, they were super nice to us. They checked in a few times, the manager came out, they gave us free drinks, they even told us to call ahead next time we stop by. Now, of course they want to prevent themselves from being sued, or worse, reviewed on Yelp as being tooth murderers. But still, they did the right thing.
And they make some damn good jerky. And meat.
In terms of this comic about the paleo diet, you know, I mean, it could be a good thing. It could be right, it could be healthier, it could make a lot of sense. But man, as a person who has lived life and taken much joy out of eating many things, I have to draw the line somewhere. I go along with the whole Michael Pollan thing—eat food, not “food-like objects” aka processed concoctions made of chemicals in a factory. I realize eating carbs all the time may not be great for you. And I think we should all eat less meat, if only for the sake of the planet ala global warming via methane from livestock as well as deforestation. I get all that. But to only eat meat, nuts, veggies and fruits, forever? That is the strictest, least fun diet ever.
Hey, drinking isn’t good for you (well, maybe a glass of wine or so a day) and I do that from time to time. Why? Because I’m alive and it’s fun. And that’s why I eat tacos and pancakes too.
Okay, I know what you’re all thinking about this week’s comic: What happened to the plastic covering that was on top of the sandwiches in panel 1?
Really though, the crazy thing is that everything that homeless guy says in this comic is pretty much true, and I actually do try to eat that way, as exhausting as it may seem sometimes. Basically, you can eat whatever you want whenever you want, however, it’s better to eat truly healthy organic food as often as possible, since you’ll get more nutrients and fewer chemicals. So you don’t have to be a nazi about it, but it’s worth the extra money to eat better—if you can afford to that is. Think about it. You’re putting stuff into your body. That’s probably the one time you don’t really want to cut corners, even if it’s cheaper.
That being said, it can be pretty ridiculous sometimes.
A bunch of indie rockstar types sent some Thanksgiving recipes to my peeps at MTV Hive. I drew them and their dishes and made some sweet recipe cards out of them. Check em out here.
The full cast: Kidz in the Hall, Tune Yards, Marissa Nadler, A Place To Bury Strangers, Clams Casino, Jonathan Coulton, Escort, as well as Matt Pinfield and the glamorous MTV Hive editors.
“Offal is a culinary term used to refer to the entrails and internal organs of a butchered animal.”
So that’s where the title for this week’s Dustinland comes from. Sure, I wasn’t talking about animal bowels but rather human bowels, but still, you get the point. I was working on a pun. The Daily Show would have gotten away with it for sure.
In terms of the content of my comic, the girl in question is actually quite nice and I hope she never reads this. However, it is a bit inappropriate to talk about burritos and pooping at a loud volume in an open office environment full of many, many people, especially when you don’t even know the person you’re talking to. But I actually do enjoy it a bit, in a weird way. It’s just so funny and bizarre and unreal. And I like watching the dude next to me try to stifle his laughs.
Man, you just can’t beat real life for weird stuff.
Posted in work
Tagged food, health, office, work