Monthly Archives: December 2014

New Year’s Absolution

As I say with this week’s Dustinland, this year I’m not even pretending to have New Year’s resolutions that I’m actually going to follow through on. It’s just too disappointing, setting yourself up for failure like that.

Well, see you in 2015!

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

This week’s Dustinland comic is about the disturbing lyrics behind “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” That song is messed up, man. It’s basically a creepy threat to your kids, saying “Hey, you better be good, because this fat guy is watching you 24-7 like you’re some Guantanamo detainee, and if you’re not good, you’re not gonna get any presents for Christmas, even though society hypnotizes you into believing it’s the one thing in life you should look forward to all year.”

I don’t want to be all War on Christmas fuddy duddy over this, but man, this song is dark. My kid seems to like it though, and he requests me to sing it to him, so who knows — maybe he’s accepting of today’s increasingly Big Brother like no-privacy state. Or maybe he’s two and it’s a catchy song.

Happy holidays!

Potty Mouth

This week’s Dustinland comic was based on very true events. Just last week I was having lunch at a bar/restaurant in NYC (Walker’s — great burgers), talking about potty training and other lame dad stuff, when this waitress overheard part of our conversation out of context and totally called us out—she even dropped an F bomb on us. She was a little more fun-loving and sarcastic than the waitress in the strip, but she really did make that exact comment. And the best part is that once we told her the truth, later she came back and made fun of us for that! I asked for the check and she asked me if it was nap time. Man, first I get it for being an asshole, then I get it for being a pussy.

At least the burger was good.

P.S. Really though, she was a good waitress. I like a little sass. It fits the old school character of an old school bar.

Bed Time

This week’s Dustinland comic is basically my version of Go the F**k to Sleep. Not that he actually came up with the idea of being frustrated about bedtime. I’m sure there’s a caveman drawing of an angry caveman storming out of a cave while his cavebaby whines about how he needs more wooly mammoth milk. But yeah, it’s frustrating to a silly degree, although you start to roll with it after a while.

Good times.

By the way I apparently have some sort of close 6 degrees of separation family connection to the Go the F**k to Sleep guy. So in case he’s reading this, great job.

Merry Spitemas

The holiday season has officially begun, and I already picked out my Christmas tree, one week earlier than I normally do. And that’s what inspired this week’s Dustinland comic. The happiness generated by my new tree reminded me of the time way back, depressingly over a decade ago, when I bought my own secret private tree that I spitefully hid from my roommates. And don’t get me wrong, we were all on very good terms before and after that. I just got pissed off and reacted in the heat of the moment, and then decided to go with it as some sort of weird sort of funny lesson. I doubt anyone learned anything from it, besides me, and all I learned was how to put a Christmas tree using a crappy $5 metal base (it ain’t easy).

Anyway, I do love the holiday season. As I said in another comic a year or two ago, one nice thing about having kids is that it brings some fun back into the season. Sure, it’s always pretty and nice and cozy, and there’s that whole thing where there are actually several days when you don’t have to work, but overall, as you get older, it starts to lose its magic. But you become a parent and suddenly Santa is back in the picture and things are exciting again. See, there you go, some positivity, right after I bah humbugged and somehow manage to turn the act of buying a Christmas tree into something spiteful. Now that takes talent, no?