Fast Food Revisited

Like I said in this week’s Dustinland comic, I used to eat fast food all the time, but then I stopped because I realized it’s not good to eat chemically treated monkey meat. And oddly enough, on those rare moments when I give it little tastte just for kicks, it just doesn’t taste good anymore either. That’s the real surprise to me. I thought I would still enjoy it, but instead of a dirty little treat, it just tastes like dirty little meat (except for Popeye’s, which is greasier than an oil slick but still delicious).

In theory I miss it though. Here’s a little run down of where I used to stand:

McDOnald’s had the best fries. I think I’d give it to Burger King for the burgers. Wendy’s had a sweet dollar meal—chicken nuggers, caesar salad (with bacon bits), fries, slushy. Taco Bell and White Castle were nasty. Roy Rogers and KFC were pretty good but like I said, Popeye’s rules for fried chicken. I once ate at some place called Krystal Burger in New Orleans and it was probably my fast food low point—I have never taken a foodie photo of a dish that looked amazing, but here I did take a photo of food solely because of how disgusting it looked. I went to Arby’s once or twice and it was okay. Boston Market had some good sides. Sandwich places like Subway don’t count, although oddly enough I feel bad that Blimpie seems to have lost the battle. I definitely missed out on all the Cali chains, although I did have In-N-Out Burger twice and both times it was solid.

Moving a little away from “true” fast food, Denny’s was perfect for drunken piles of late night breakfast food. IHOP was fun for giant fluffy family breakfast pancakes and a nice choice of syrup flavors. Friendly’s had good ice cream. I guess if I’m going down this route, I might as well say that Pizzaria Uno’s was some cheesy, oily goodness. T.G.I .Friday’s always kind of sucked but I liked their appetizers. Outback Steakhouse has got to be the most expensive chain I’ve ever been to—I’ll admit, the Bloomin Onion was enjoyable. Cheesecake Factory should be banned for serving portions a horse couldn’t finish.

Oh yeah, I forgot all the pizza chains. I was a Domino’s fan—it wasn’t really pizza, but it was good. Papa John’s was gross. Pizza Hut was pretty crappy, although those mini pizzas were good drunk food. I never had Little Casears but I always liked their ads. Sbarro was the worst—like eating a napkin with cheese and sauce on it.

Man, once you start listing these things you realize just how many chains their are in the U.S. It’s pretty ridiculous—I’m sure I didn’t even crack the surface. But let me just close by saying this: If you are a tourist visiting New York City, do not eat at chain restaurants. This is your chance to not do that, so resist the call of Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. if you can.

7 responses to “Fast Food Revisited

  1. Little Caesars is money. Blimpie 4 Life.

    • I remember some teacher dressed up like him for Halloween back in high school. Easy costume. A toga and two pizza boxes on a stick. I’m gonna bring that back.

  2. I’m curious now, what made Krystal Burger that disgusting?

  3. I don’t see how Taco Bell or any of the pizza chains you mentioned survive in any big city with an appreciable Hispanic population (which means pretty much all of them now). Mom-and-pop taquerias and pizza places are all over the place, and most of them serve food far better than any chain with little or no price difference.

    I guess this is a testament to the power of advertising. People will eat salted wet cotton if they see enough TV commercials for it.

Leave a Reply to dustinland Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s