I hope child protection doesn’t come to my door for this comic. Honestly though, this isn’t really my invention. It’s a thing. There’s videos. You think you’re supposed to shush babies all quiet like they’re dainty little pixies, but really sometimes you need to shush the shit out of them.
Just the other day I learned just how successful this could be. We were driving home and got stuck in traffic. Babies love driving, but HATE stopping. So traffic lights, traffic jams, those are pretty much baby nightmares. And when you’re on the Grand Central Parkway, there’s not much you can do to soothe a crying baby in the backseat. Except shush. SHUSH like a motherfucker. Man, I shushed the shit out of this kid, literally until my throat hurt—and it worked! He calmed down after about a minute and then went to sleep after I kept going for a little longer. So there you have it. Shush like a man.