Monthly Archives: February 2011

The World According To An Alcoholic

Yeah, so you know all those things people post that are like this? Okay, this is my version. I saw xckd do one of these a while ago that was more of a political commentary. Mine is pretty stupid and trivial but perhaps funny to some people on the internets. I had this strip lying around for a while as a backup for a week when I was either off on vacation or didn’t have any time and this was just such a week (and you know, when you work all weekend, you kind of start to view the world like it looks in this strip).

*So this comic has appeared on someecards, which I found via their Twitter feed. I appreciate the props but they could have given me a wee bit more credit/linkage. I feel like an AP photographer.

**This baby has legs. Months later, it is now appearing all over the place. On Laughing Squid, Neatorma and I Love Charts.

Focus Groups: Behind The Mirror

This week’s Dustinland touches on focus groups, which I experience via my day job, aka my only job: an ad man. It sounds really cool if you watch Mad Men, but read this comic and you might think again. You think Don Drapher had to sit there in a focus group in Baltimore for two days straight, eating crappy sandwiches? And at least if he did, he would have been drinking scotch the whole time.

But yeah, focus groups. I don’t want to give people the wrong impression. You should totally participate in them because it’s a really easy way to make some quick cash, and it’s very unlikely you’ll get made fun of because everyone on the other side of the mirror is usually too bored to even bother, unless you say something that’s just mind-blowingly stupid.

I also don’t want to make it seem like focus groups are completely pointless wastes of time and money that exist only to provide client and agency employees with job security and prevent good work from ever being produced. Maybe about half of focus groups work that way. I’m sure this topic has been talked to death by people with way more industry experience and know-how than I have, so I won’t dwell on it. I’ll just say that I think it’s way more useful to test ideas rather than actual work, especially if it’s in a conceptual phase. For example…

Fresh Hate Mail

I just got some hate mail from what I assume is a college student at Binghamton University. It’s hard to tell if he’s serious or just trying to get some attention. Well anyway, I found it quite entertaining. See for yourself:


I read some of your bird comic. I read pipedream, which often prints dustinland, and so I found myself on your website.

So, I was reading some of your bird comic. You are a motherfucker of a dong-handler. You are actually simple-minded. Do you pay for your bandwith? Goddamn, do you pay for your bandwith? You realize that anyone who appreciates or compliments your work is either sadistic, a product of the rape you endorse, or handicapped? When I say handicapped, I mean severely, and I am not being politically correct. I could repeat that.

Basically man, take a good look around you know? Take a fresh breath of air. Take a step back. Take a break man. Shit and Goddamn.

Thanks for your time,

P.S. Dustinland sucks.

P.P.S. I critique the rape comic not because I am a feminist or whateverthefuck. Just because you draw on something socially controversial to make a joke that is not even remotely funny. Also, censorship? Seriously? I know you spend hours drawing Bird-Dong.

P.P.P.S. Dong-Handler you.

Polar Bear Club

Yup, as this Dustinland says, I took the big plunge and jumped into the freezing cold ocean as part of the 12th annual Long Beach Polar Bear Club Super Bowl Splash. It’s a good time, a good cause, and a good excuse to start drinking before noon. And it’s also Valentine’s Day, so I will leave it at that so I can go enjoy a nice lil homemade dinner and some wine. Oh yeah, you know how I do (don’t say “cheap”).

Annoying Redditor Take On Queens Comic

So this week’s Representing Queens Dustinland inspired a bit of a dialogue over at Reddit yesterday. Overall it was a pretty interesting conversation, except for two posts from one know-it-all dick (every internet thread has to have at least one). Anyway, I usually try to ignore such nerds but I just feel like responding to this one. Here’s his commentary:

  • “whoever drew that is an idiot for forgetting some painfully obvious major stuff. must be one of them astoria hipsters… likely a transplant.”
  • “for starters how about the most obvious omission
  • the jazz greats may have loved playing in the city but they chose to live in queens.
  • then theres the mentioning of cyndi lauper (really?) and the omission of rodney dangerfield, and walt whitman.
  • then theres that it got it’s name from a queen. named in honor of her. catherine of braganza (although historians tend to debate this)
  • plus the omission of the greatest concert ever. jimi hendrix opening for the monkees!
  • seriously though. the history of jazz and queens is a major, glaring omission to anyone who knows their queens history (from sources other than wikipedia)
  • edit: i failed to mention rocket park. how the hell could i forget that? it was out my window for years and it, like most of the hall of science is awesome.”
  • “maybe you need to read the comic again. it mostly talks about stuff you can do in and around astoria so if anything it’s representing astoria, not queens. and it doesnt even mention that christopher walken was born in astoria and that his folks used to run a bakery there (on broadway and 30th). it just mentions the typical and boring stuff. beergarden used to be awesome until the type of people who draw online comics started going there and ruining the atmosphere. the best queens street meat isnt in astoria, it’s in jackson heights (although there is a case for a spot elsewhere but technically it’s on the brooklyn side of wycoff so that dont count)”

Okay, so let me start from the beginning.

1. Dude accuses me of being a transplant but as it says in the comic, I’m born in Queens, although I moved to Astoria. So I don’t think that qualifies me as a transplant, unless you’re expected to live in the same neighborhood your entire life, asshole.

2. Yes, I didn’t mention jazz in Queens. That’s because I was only listing celebrities born in Queens, and most of the old jazz musicians, including Louis Armstrong, were born elsewhere and moved here.

3. According to your hated Wikipedia, Rodney Dangerfield “was born on Long Island in the town of Deer Park,” and Walt Whitman “was born in West Hills, Town of Huntington, Long Island,” so argue with them, dipshit.

4. Oh, sorry, I didn’t mention how Queens got its name. As another Redditor sarcastically commented, “The comic also forgot to mention the early European and Dutch settlers that lived in Queens, and before them the Native Americans. There’s also a glaring lack of discussion on the impact the ice age and glacier movement had in forming Queens.” So sorry about that. My bad. Next time I do a comic on Queens it will be 900 panels long and I will make sure to include everything ever.

5. Yes, I left out Jimi Hendrix opening for The Monkees. In fact, I left out all of Queens’ concert history, including, oh I don’t know, The Beatles at Shea Stadium. So great point, there have been good concerts in Queens. 40 years ago. When was the last one, dick? I wish there were, I really do, but one major downside to Queens these days is that there are pretty much no good conert venues. No one ever really plays Queens anymore, except for the random Sonic Youth show in a YMCA gym or something like that, or Billy Joel playing to 50,000 lame asses at Shea, which is now gone anyway. So don’t even try to talk music with me, I will out nerd you any day.

6. Rocket Park IS the fucking Hall of Science shithead. I will punch you in the face — with words.

7. My comic is mostly about Astoria? Is Jackson Heights Astoria? Is Corona Astoria? How about Chinatown or Flushing Meadows Park? Yes, sure, a few of the things I mentioned are in Astoria and Long Island City, but don’t blame me that those are two of the most vibrant and growing areas of Queens.

8. Okay, I missed Christopher Walken. You win, fuckface!

9. “Beergarden used to be awesome until the type of people who draw online comics started going there and ruining the atmosphere.” Oh, fuck you. What a dick. A guy who is clearly accusing me of being a gentrifying hipster is making a comment that is the epitome of hipsterdom: ____ was cool before everyone else liked it but now it sucks.

You know, there are a ton of asshole commentors online who can’t just say “Oh cool, I see what you’re saying. Totally. Pretty cool.” They need to prove to everyone that they know better, they know more, they’re right and you’re wrong. They’re the kind of people who when you tell them a story, they have to tell one back that one-ups yours. They’re the kind of people that when you tell them your idea, they take pleasure in telling you that someone has already thought of it. These people are best ignored as the trolls they are, but I guess once in a while it feels good to tell one of them to shut up.

Representing Queens, New York

So, with this week’s Dustinland, I’m not trying to be one of those people who are like WHERE I LIVE I THIS BEST PLACE IN THE WORLD!!!!! just because I happen to have been born there. But it is a nice place with some cool stuff, and frankly, I think it’s a little underrated and unappreciated. And I just hate Queens turning into Brooklyn’s kid brother over the last decade or so. You know, they opened up a rooftop farm in Long Island City, Queens, and they named it Brooklyn Grange. Hey assholes, I like that you opened a farm, but your farm is in Queens. Stop fronting.

So yeah, this is the kind of thing that annoys me. Well, a lot of things clearly annoy me but this one is the one I’m talking about right now.