Okay, before you get all bummed out over this week’s Dustinland, let me just say that I’m not in the midst of some deep depression or anything. This is just something I think about sometimes. You know, usually I try (try being the key word here) to make my comics funny, but once in a while I like to touch on something more serious. I know the depressing stuff is not quite as “entertaining,” but hopefully it touches on something you can relate to.

In terms of this week’s comic, I think what I’m really getting at here is that while it’s very hard to define success, there is some sort of notion we all have of an average life and an extraordinary one, and nobody wants to wind up in that first category. Of course what is considered average in a country like the US would be a fantastic life to a majority of people around the world, or throughout the history of mankind, at least in terms of financial security and quality of life. But somehow that doesn’t necessarily translate to happiness because it’s all relative to what you know, blah blah etc… let’s not get into that boring discussion. Boy this topic really leads to rambling.

I guess I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say here. Maybe I already said it as simply as I could and too many words just complicates it. Maybe it’s just that we all want to be somebody, and the older you get, the more you realize how hard that can be, and how little time you have to do it.

This week’s Dustinland is all about the fun world of advertising. Yes, I know: Dustin, you’re a ridiculous liberal. How can you work in advertising and help The Man lie to us about his evil products made by slaves in China? Well, that’s a good question. Unfortunately, that’s not the subject of this week’s comic.

This week we’re talking about some of the most basic tactics used to hawk products. From my creative experience, these are the ideas that either come to mind first because they’re easy, or that you fall back on in the end when you can’t find any other solutions (or because all your good ideas died in testing). Not to say that good advertising can’t result from these tactics. That would be like saying you can’t make a good movie that’s based around a love story, or a revenge plot. Some things just work, time and time again. Just because exaggerating a product’s benefit can be the easy way out, doesn’t mean it can’t be done in a smart way. I don’t know about the whole personification/anthropomorphism thing though. That just seems like a cop out. Or superheroes. That’s another one I forgot, but it’s not too far from personification. Either way you’re turning a problem into a bad guy or a solution into a hero — literally.

But yeah, I do advertising.

I was just sick for four days last week, and my experience was the inspiration for this week’s Dustinland. First it’s exciting — just the prospect of not being at work and being able to lie around the house and watch TV and futz around on the computer. But then once the real sickness hits you and you start to feel like shit, that’s when you realize that it kinda sucks being sick. And I didn’t even mention the really crappy part in the comic: being sick and still having to work from home. Because if work can suck at times, try doing the same work while you have a 100 degree fever. Good times.

And then as your illness drags on and you find yourself at home for longer than you expected, you start to get bored. Daytime TV sucks and there’s only so many movies most people can watch without getting itchy. By the time you start running out of tissues and medicine, you’re more than ready to get back to work.

Of course, once you return to work, ready and willing to get things done and interact with other people, you’re quickly brought back to Earth. Even though you were just puking, half the people in your office think you lied about the whole thing so you could get a few free vacation days. The people who do believe you don’t want to be in the same room with you, afraid they’ll catch whatever you have. And the rest of them didn’t even realize you were out. Welcome back! You were missed.

Check him out right here.

By the way, I had been telling him to do this for years but he would just respond “No.” Either that or he would throw an ax at me.

Forgive me for doing a Dustinland that’s basically one big “don’t you hate it when _” but sometimes you wake up on a Sunday morning and just don’t feel like getting metaphysical or riled up about serious issues. Sometimes you just want to say, hey, this sucks. You feel me? Not literally of course. You can’t physically feel me. I mean, you can, but not right now while you’re reading this, unless we’re right next to each other, which would be creepy. Actually, maybe I’ll force people to read this while I am standing next to them and I’ll just stare at them while they read it. And not just any stare – a totally blank, emotionless one with just a splash of nefarious intent. By the way I have a fever right now so I am probably just raving.

You may be saying, hey, why is there a colon in the title of this week’s Dustinland? Well, Marvel Comics used to have these What If issues, like, What If: Peter Parker Was Bitten By a Radioactive Horse Instead of a Spider? So yeah, there’s that.

As for the idea, well, I think we’re all a bunch of lazy fuckers. Sure, we may be educated. Sure, we know what’s going on — some of us at least. And we have opinions. Oh yeah we all have big opinions on what’s wrong these days. I mean, the outrage is just over-flowing. Things have got to change now!!! Oh, wait, I have to do something? Hmmm.. well I went to that protest back in 2002, doesn’t that count? And I voted. So, like, now I kinda just wanna live my life. I’m busy. I work all day, I go home and have to make dinner and clean things and relax. Is there really time for politics? Sure, I could watch other people engage in politics on TV, but I just really don’t have the energy to go out into the world and make a difference personally. But hell, you send me a link and I will fucking sign the shit out of that email petition! Man, I might even donate $10 to some cause or somethin.

Now that I got that out of my system, I can seriously say that I’m talking about myself here as much as I’m talking about others. I just got this email from Michael Moore’s list, and there are all these suggestions for how to get involved and man, I just really don’t feel like going down to the local Democratic Party office and taking over a meeting. But I know I should. I should do something. I want to. I just don’t know what. Or when. Man, it’s so hard to care about the world and not feel like a hypocrite sometimes if you’re not out there in the Peace Core or volunteering for Dennis Kucinich.

This week’s Dustinland is about the “grunge” (as if there was such a thing) scene, and growing up, that was pretty much what I was all about. It’s interesting to see what these dudes are up to today. Back then they were angry young guys. Now they’re rich dads — the successful ones at least.

You know, I didn’t really expect any of them to be going strong after all this time. Very few musicians can stay at the top of their game for even a few years, not to mention ten years or even 20. It’s just interesting to see who made it out looking good and who looks kinda desperate and sad. Like I said in the comic, who would have thought a drummer would have been the guy to come out the big winner. After Dave Grohl, I’d say Pearl Jam is No. 2. They seem to have a good thing going. And then I’d say Perry is No. 3 since Lollapalooza is doing so well (although Perry isn’t really part of this group – dude was born in 1959! Who knew?).

But yeah, the days of melodic hard rock/metal are over, and that’s sad. If I see one more band made up of cutesy girls and skinny guys, all dressed like hipsters in skinny jeans and “adorable” outfits, singing their wimpy little pop songs and banging away on their synths, I’m gonna fucking puke. These days I feel like it’s either that or death metal. Nothing in between. Even Tool has a synth now. Even Mastodon does! Man, you just can’t win.

**Note – this strip is doing nicely on Reddit today. Thanks as always Redditors!

If you didn’t scroll all the way down, past the comic, you didn’t get the joke in this week’s Dustinland. And if this is the case, I’ll give you a second to go back and check it out without spoiling it.

Okay, so now that you’ve seen the entire comic, I can tell you that all of that stuff is real, except for the very last row at the bottom, which clearly I made up. Pretty amazing, huh?

Anyway, I sure do hope I get a lot of Wykops for this post, or maybe even a few Yardbarks.

First of all, regarding this week’s Dustinland, why do people get these small dogs? Except for maybe pugs, boston terriers and daschunds, my rule is generally that a dog should not be smaller than a cat. Otherwise, is it really a dog? Okay, once I knew a really fat chihuahua named Pepe, and he was pretty cute. But usually these little barky dogs suck. And barky they are. Almost all of them. Total Napoleon complex.

Second, why do people let their dogs out into the backyard at night if they’re going to bark? Why? What could these people possibly be thinking? I would love to know. How could you justify that? I’d be fascinated to hear the answer. Too bad it’s probably: “I’m crazy as shit.”

There is one way you can disagree with this week’s Dustinland that I would be okay with. You could say, “Hey, it’s not just that the Democrats are mostly weak, ineffective losers — they’re actually just corrupt, career-minded pawns of the same big business interests that the other side works for.” That is an excellent point, a very real possibility, and even more depressing and cynical than what I was going for. I just went with the simple message of: Democrats are pussies. And that’s pretty much a fact at this point, except for a few dudes like Kucinich and apparently some guy named Grayson. So yeah, good luck getting anything done. I look forward to the big climate summit in December. I’m sure we won’t commit to a damn thing, as usual. Then us liberals can really start thinking about what party to vote for next time around.